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GLOBAL WARMING HITS LONGMONT!
3/30/07 - Here's one of my recent pieces in the Times-Call. They ran it unchanged, but with the title "Don't be a hypocrite", I like mine better, which I suggested. In case there's any doubt about my sarcasm, I fear the largest heat source to be concerned with is all the hot air with this ridiculous hysteria. Global warming denier? No, and thank God, or else we'd still be under that ice sheet that used to be here. Anyway, on with the article, enjoy, or don't, I don't care either way.
Need More Offsets!
In a free society, we’re free to choose to be efficient or wasteful. There are those out there that want to regulate and tax that freedom of choice, basically taking the choice away. Hypocrisy arises when these people demand we be more efficient, yet are wasteful themselves and justify it with so-called credits or offsets. Here’s the lighter side of this nonsense, Longmont style.
We often look at the crime map in the paper and the various police beats. While we are glad our beat is fairly crime-free, we are willing to sell our “crime credits” to those beats that are less fortunate.
Snow in front of mailboxes is a much discussed problem, we used our snowblower to keep ours clear (a few houses down and across the street) to keep our mail coming. We could sell part of our “snowblower/mailbox credits” to the unlucky, or lazy.
I bought a four-wheel drive truck with high ground clearance to lessen the chance of being at the mercy of the city’s road clearing, or lack thereof. I could sell my “four-wheel drive credits” to those low-ground-clearance, rear-wheel-drive COLORADO drivers.
Traffic is a problem in some parts of the city, but that’s okay because those pot-holed or less traveled roads can be looked at as “traffic congestion offsets” to make up for Hover or Main.
Some schools are fairly overcrowded, doesn’t help when the benchmarks are arbitrarily increased. But those schools that parents wouldn’t send their worst enemies kids to can sell their “undercrowded school credits” to the other schools.
All those complaints about the loud, long, and somewhat unnecessary train horns need to accept “noise offsets” from quieter neighborhoods, or those with thick walls or earplugs.
Got it? If not, I have some “sarcasm and exaggeration for humor credits” to sell you.
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